As I mentioned in an earlier post, boys relish in all things disgusting. So it comes as no surprise that farts are the world's most entertaining noise to my kids. I once bought Potty Putty for the boys. Ever seen the stuff? It comes in a plastic container shaped like a tiny toilet. The contents of the toilet look like slimy gelatin. When you dig your fingers into the side and then squish the contents back inside, it makes the most delicious of sounds - that of a very wet fart! The novelty of Potty Putty lasted for days and the laughter was heard for hours upon end until the stuff dried up into sticky gelatinous turds.
My boys love farts au naturel, too, of course. I once heard Maginnis fire one off with machine gun force. I was quite sure he had launched himself from his chair and that the seat would be riddled with smoking holes. The boys laughed until they couldn't breathe, methane gas, turned laughing gas.
Farts have become ammunition for Phoenix. If he doesn't want me to dress him, he fires a hot one in my lap. If I try to catch him to put him in the bath, he runs down the hall naked, bends over, and fires a ripe one in my direction before running away. When I listen to the boys wrestling with one another, I can always tell when Maginnis has Nix in a headlock.
"You better let me go, or I'm gonna fart on you!"
"Alright. Alright!" Maginnis relinquishes.
Yesterday morning, I pulled a very sleepy Phoenix from his bed and drew him into my arms for a quick snuggle before getting him ready for pre-school. He affectionately nuzzled his head into my shoulder then ripped one on my arm.
I could feel the vibration against my flesh and gasped in shock at his early morning antics, "Phoenix!"
"That's the magic of butt fire, Mom!" Phoenix whispered.
No kidding. Wait till he learns you can light a fart.
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